Unexpected consequences of working on a Ph.D.

Twas the night before spring break, and all through the house

The floors are unvacuumed, the tables a mess.

Christmas stockings still hang by the chimney with care,

In hopes Yule cheer will dispel dissertation despair.

The kitties aren’t nestled all snug in their beds,

Instead they are climbing the Christmas tree.

Yes, Oh Tannenbaum still stands proudly,

Its branches hiding two feline heads.

Chloe climbs up from below, wrapping white paws

Around the Tannenbaum’s bole.

She shimmies up without pause,

Intent on her shiny ornament goal.

Acrobat Zoe propels herself through the air,

The cat house third floor a perfect launch pad.

Though the Christmas tree sways as she lands,

It refuses to yield and continues to stand.  

The first sign of trouble was a midnight clatter;

We sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

We saw nothing but a lonely glass ball,

Far from the tree, away in the hall.

Since then we have found so many more.

The tree in December had ornaments galore;

It’s now stripped naked from its waist to its feet,

Its decorations removed by two kitties so sweet.

Perhaps it is time to store Tannenbaum away,

Before more special ornaments are met by foul play. 

Maybe by the time the tree reappears,

The data will be collected and the findings cohered.

So, please, dissertation writers everywhere,

Do not with the norm yourself compare.

All will be well, if you continue to write,

"Happy Dissertation to all, and to all a good-night!"

(Adapted, rather obviously and badly, from the Christmas Poem by Clement Clarke Moore)

The culprits (Calico = Zoe, Gray = Chloe). Don't they look sweet & innocent?

The half-naked tree

The carnage